We the Dudes of the Dudes Templar, in Order to form a more perfect dudeness, establish manliness, insure complete heterosexuality, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of chicks to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the Dudes Templar.

As the dudes, we have a prime derecttive: to get the chick. We must help one another to obtain our goals in order to prosper as dudes. There are limits to this though; there is a point where a man must say no and ditch his efforts on the chick and let her go. Under no circumstances do hoes come before bros. There is one exception to this law: if a man is ensured absolute possibility of getting some action, he may skip the bros for his hoe.
 
If a dude has committed himself to chick, he must remember his bros; though, the bros must respect his hoe as she is expected to respect the bros. The bros must not hog too much of the hoes time with the fellow dude, and the chick must not consume all of the dude’s time with the bros. There should be an equal distribution of time between the two parties to insure peace on both sides. Once the dude breaks up with the chick, she is now fair game to the other dudes; sleeping with your buds ex is considered a high moral victory. If that chick were to dump the dude, then she either becomes an outcast, or fair game by the other dudes. If a dude were to go all the way with a woman and marry her, then he is considered retired from the dudes. If the dudes consider the marriage to be a mistake, they may try to make their troubled dude reconsider. The only way the dude can be readmitted is to divorce the woman and rejoin.

From getting a date to getting some wang dang sweet poontang, dudes must stand by each other when the going gets tough. Whether they must play the wingman and ward chicks off or hook a brother up, they must help each other obtain the goal. Under no circumstances shall men cock-block for personal gain. A man shall not bad mouth a friend to a woman to make her hate him in order to move closer to getting in her pants. Not only is this wrong to do, but it’s a bitch move that can seriously knock a man away from achieving his own goal.
 
Dudes must never meat-ride one another nor should they meat-ride women. As a man, he is not jealous of other men, for we are all equal. A man who praises another and constantly tries to get his friends to do the same is a meat-rider. A meat-rider is no better than a brown-noser.
No dude shall ditch his dudes to join a group of other dudes. To recruit new dudes to your group is acceptable, but to leave and join another is treason. If a dude does this, not only does it increase tensions between the two groups, but the dude shall forever be deemed an asshole. His motives will be deemed stupid and he is no better than a resident of San Francisco to the dudes he left.
Dudes must band together to destroy succubae. We all know who they are; they take your friend and distance you from him. They suck his soul and nothing else. Their goals are to destroy the dude’s group as a whole and join the dude they’ve stolen in holy matrimony, or worse, ditch him on the street once she has finished her evil deed. Any man with a known succubus should be quickly quarantined from her before she cuts his balls off.

As part of the Dudes Templar, he has made a pact that he shall never ever ever in his whole entire life, turn to the dark side; I speak no other the homosexuality. To do this is to sign away your manliness and join the ranks of the ever growing gay man. Now, a man does not shun the gay man because he is a homophobe, for that would imply that dudes are afraid of gays; dudes shun gays because they do not share the same goal. It is acceptable for a dude to have a gay friend, but the gay man may never be a dude due to the simple fact that he is playing for the other team.

Dudes must assist other dudes in the judgment of a chick. They must meet as a council and consult if the woman is of proper ranking to be “bangable”.

Then there is the conflict of chick cars; any man who drives one is not a man. If you do not get less than 25 miles per gallon on your car, you have a puss-mobile. The less MPG or the more GPM you have, the manlier the car. And under no circumstances should you ever drive a hybrid or electric car; not only are they bullshit cars designed to appease environmentalists, but they have built in ovaries in the glove compartment. The acceptable car for a man would be a muscle car, truck/SUV, tank, dragster, race car, etc… There are exceptions to this law, especially if one is on a tight budget. This section of the Templar must be interpreted as more of a goal then a law to follow.

One thing a dude is defined by is the food chain. Any animal that is edible is fair game, even if it tastes bad because taste can be fixed with an applied amount of hot sauce. Whether it is red meat, white meat, or mystery meat, it contains valuable nutrients that insure strong manliness in the growing dude. Tofu and soy meats are for tofu farting fairies, and if a man is eating it, he is either been fooled by a vegan or he is controlled by a succubus.

Dudes must never fight like women. Women are notorious for starting huge rifts between friends where they fight with rumors, gossip, bitching at one another, and destroying each other’s social lives. Dudes fight with fists and also may use their environment to help smash their enemies face. This heavy fighting of flesh and blood usually ends with a victor determined and no lives are destroyed, similar to the theory of Thunder-Dome from Mad Max 3. Under some circumstances, the two fighters are friends afterwards. When two dudes are in conflict, there is to be no kicking of another’s scrotum. This is a bitch move designed for chicks and chicks alone.
 
As dudes, we are all known to have the mental capacity of men; we are known to have stupid ideas. They usually involve sharp, explosive, flammable, and/or projectiles. If you think they might be harmful, they usually are. A stupid idea is usually followed with a bet, that way the person who came up with the idea doesn’t receive the pain of the stupidity and gets to laugh at his fellow dude hurting himself. If a dude is smart, then he knows better than to accept the bet. In the event a dude accepts, he must participate; there can be no backing out.

The actions a dude takes not stated in these rules are acceptable as long as they follow the said rules. Their attitude, personality, persona, etc… is all determined by the man. The actions a dude takes cannot be determined by this document, but hopefully it can guide him to live a life of manliness, women, and wang dang sweet poontang.