I started the spring semester of my senior year overweight and broken down after nine years of football and four years of intense physical training. Countless bone cracking hits had taken their toll on me; I really wanted to work out on my own, but without a screaming coach, my knees won out. Aside from wearing my body down, football led to me gaining about 30 pounds within a year. You see, 250 pounds wasn't good enough for an offensive lineman in the coaches eyes, regardless of how well he plays. The extra weight, while helpful on the field, put a pounding on my already deteriorating knees. Missing a ligament in my shoulder, lacking cartiledge in my knees, dealing with massive amounts of scar tissue, and feeling the strain of extra weight on top of it all, I realized that I had probably put my body through hell for nothing.

My knees tell a story of two-a-days and unapologetic helmets. I can't squat down without hearing several snaps and pops and I can't run more than two miles without them burning. As strong as it made my legs, six years of weight lifting coupled with the rough hits throughout the years has probably hastened my knees' detioration. At my peak, I was squatting 500+ and cleaning 300+ day after day.  I sacrificed long term health for explosive strength. I won't be surprised if I wind up with a cane before I become an old man, but damn if I couldn't drive a 300 pound man backwards and put him on his ass.

Short term memory is a joke. There are entire games that have been wiped from my meory. The only reason I know they happened are the accounts of my loopy behavior after a series of full force head to head hits. I've never gone to a doctor for my head and I never complained to the team trainers. In hindsight, I was gambling with my life. I guess it has something to do with the culture of pain in football. An offensive gaurd with his arm out of socket is told that football hurts and they need to suck it up and play. A kicker with a torn ACL is told that it doesn't matter if he can't walk, he needs to go out there and perform. It's as if the coaches don't take an injury seriously unless it leaves the player unconscious or writihing on the ground, unable to control themselves. It's an attitude that risks the lives of everybody on the field. Players see any complaint of pain as a weakness to be overcome by pushing harder.

Despite everything that has happened though, I'm not upset that I did it. Football helped me be healthy. Sure, I may be close to 300 pounds, but I guarantee I'm in better shape than a lot of people. I've gained self discipline and I've built friendships that will last for life. I've worked to get to the top of my game, and then I worked even harder to stay there. Football has made me who I am. Every crooked finger, calcium deposit, scar, tear, and break have created the person typing this today. The memories will always be with me. Now, I'm going off to college and I won't stop playing high contact sports. I'll be trying out for the rugby team in the fall and the football team in the spring. If all goes well, I'll be able to keep playing the game I love.