Are you tired of being criticized and threatened by the world simply because you refuse to allow certain trifles like basic human rights and the will of the people to shine through in everything your government does? Well, there's a simple answer that will bring all of your problems to a halt. Turn into a democratic regime.

Granted, you will risk losing certain powers and social standing amongst other power drunk leaders. Also, changing to a democratic regime and declaring yourself as President is a no-no. However, with the proper political savvy and your secret roving death squads, you should be able to hold onto the Executive office like a Pope.

First off, you need to kidnap a good Chief of Staff and spin doctor. Might I suggest Karl Rove? Sure, he may be busy with Fox News and The Wall Street Journal, but that doesn't mean you can't kidnap him! Be sure not to do it directly, however. It's best to hire a third party, then "rescue" him with your troops and grant him a position in your cabinet, whether he wants it or not. I'm quite sure that the Cobra Organization would be more than willing to do your dirty work. Just remember, with a good advisor, any of you idiots can look Presidential.

Secondly, you need to make sure there are no serious threats to the office. Bugs and cameras will only go so far in revealing sedition; make sure you go for the gusto. Is there somebody who gives great, charismatic speeches? Have him killed secretly. Is he a member of your party, possibly in your administration? Have him killed violently in public. Trust me, the crowds can't resist a Reichstag fire. If you can frame some potentially threatening members of the opposing party, all's the better. Also, when rigging the election, make sure to wait a reasonable amount of time before having it announced that you won. I'm looking at you Iran.

Thirdly, keep all of your corruption a secret. Seriously, it's mind boggling how many dictators forget this step. Whether it means using your connections in the telecom industry or your friend whom owns the newspapers, make sure neither the public, nor the people of the world get a sniff of what's going on behind closed doors. Remember, the secret death squads are secret for a reason. They're SUPER depressing.

Why follow these steps in the first place? Why even bother going to all the trouble of becoming a democracy when you have what you want right now? Because, if the foundation of America has proved any thing, it's that you're allowed to enslave people, steal the indigenous people's land, treat women as second class citizens, refuse voting rights to those "inferior" to you, invade nations under false pretenses, and commit genocide, so long as it's in the name of a free, democratic nation. It doesn't hurt if you say God is on your side too.

Just keep in mind, you only have a couple hundred years to clean up your act before people start getting bitchy about it. Don't worry, you'll have been overthrown in a coup long before then!