Protip

Only two Aleve can heal headaches for hours.

The rest are poison.

Choose wisely.

Life after football

I started the spring semester of my senior year overweight and broken down after nine years of football and four years of intense physical training. Countless bone cracking hits had taken their toll on me; I really wanted to work out on my own, but without a screaming coach, my knees won out. Aside from wearing my body down, football led to me gaining about 30 pounds within a year. You see, 250 pounds wasn't good enough for an offensive lineman in the coaches eyes, regardless of how well he plays. The extra weight, while helpful on the field, put a pounding on my already deteriorating knees. Missing a ligament in my shoulder, lacking cartiledge in my knees, dealing with massive amounts of scar tissue, and feeling the strain of extra weight on top of it all, I realized that I had probably put my body through hell for nothing.

My knees tell a story of two-a-days and unapologetic helmets. I can't squat down without hearing several snaps and pops and I can't run more than two miles without them burning. As strong as it made my legs, six years of weight lifting coupled with the rough hits throughout the years has probably hastened my knees' detioration. At my peak, I was squatting 500+ and cleaning 300+ day after day.  I sacrificed long term health for explosive strength. I won't be surprised if I wind up with a cane before I become an old man, but damn if I couldn't drive a 300 pound man backwards and put him on his ass.

Short term memory is a joke. There are entire games that have been wiped from my meory. The only reason I know they happened are the accounts of my loopy behavior after a series of full force head to head hits. I've never gone to a doctor for my head and I never complained to the team trainers. In hindsight, I was gambling with my life. I guess it has something to do with the culture of pain in football. An offensive gaurd with his arm out of socket is told that football hurts and they need to suck it up and play. A kicker with a torn ACL is told that it doesn't matter if he can't walk, he needs to go out there and perform. It's as if the coaches don't take an injury seriously unless it leaves the player unconscious or writihing on the ground, unable to control themselves. It's an attitude that risks the lives of everybody on the field. Players see any complaint of pain as a weakness to be overcome by pushing harder.

Despite everything that has happened though, I'm not upset that I did it. Football helped me be healthy. Sure, I may be close to 300 pounds, but I guarantee I'm in better shape than a lot of people. I've gained self discipline and I've built friendships that will last for life. I've worked to get to the top of my game, and then I worked even harder to stay there. Football has made me who I am. Every crooked finger, calcium deposit, scar, tear, and break have created the person typing this today. The memories will always be with me. Now, I'm going off to college and I won't stop playing high contact sports. I'll be trying out for the rugby team in the fall and the football team in the spring. If all goes well, I'll be able to keep playing the game I love.

To troll or not to troll

I've been on Xanga for about five years and I've seen my share of trolls. From the Jewish supremacists and the Nazis to the loveable Kike, trolls are nothing new here. Anybody who's been online should know the type; anonymous haters who see to live for controversy. Now, I've been online since 1994 and I'd be lying if I said I never trolled somebody. Sometimes, a good flame war is all you really need. I stopped being a full time troll back in 2006 and focused on my real sites, such as this one. Twelve years of vicious arguments had taken their toll and I was plain tired of the quality of fights. It was like a halfhearted argument with a sick middle schooler; I almost felt bad about knocking them off their high horses. It hasn't gotten any better either. Seriously guys, a lot of your troll fighting skills have taken a nose dive since then.

To assume a troll really cares about what he's fighting for is absurd. All a troll really wants is a hot button topic that he can dig into and force an angry response. The ultimate goal isn't to win a fight so much as it is to start a fight. If I could make a normally calm and collected person look foolish, I'm the winner, no matter what else is said. The greatest thing a troll can do is achieve relevancy. If you get a good foothold in the community and build up your knowledge of certain popular people, you'll have ammunition for months. Case in point: BBDD. Perhaps you've heard of him. He picked out Top Bloggers, concocted a conspiracy theory regarding the Xanga team and the "Evil Xanga Klique" and he relentlessly flamed whomever came across his path. It could be argued that he even managed to use the victim card to his advantage, drawing in legitimate bloggers who felt sorry for him and turned against those who fought back in the flame war. If Xanga hadn't shut him down, I'm sure he'd still be here causing trouble. He's out there somewhere, causing trouble where he still has an account.

Aside from the fun of notoriety and humiliation of people, trolls can bring people together against a common enemy. Xanga has been way too calm lately. You want drama and controversy? Abortion and burqas aren't the way to go. The old ways would shake today's Xangans to their cores. What this site may need is a nasty person with zero scruples committed to offending and insulting everybody. Nothing can be sacred. Who's willing to step up their game?

What this town needs is an enema.

A Letter To The Dictators

Are you tired of being criticized and threatened by the world simply because you refuse to allow certain trifles like basic human rights and the will of the people to shine through in everything your government does? Well, there's a simple answer that will bring all of your problems to a halt. Turn into a democratic regime.

Granted, you will risk losing certain powers and social standing amongst other power drunk leaders. Also, changing to a democratic regime and declaring yourself as President is a no-no. However, with the proper political savvy and your secret roving death squads, you should be able to hold onto the Executive office like a Pope.

First off, you need to kidnap a good Chief of Staff and spin doctor. Might I suggest Karl Rove? Sure, he may be busy with Fox News and The Wall Street Journal, but that doesn't mean you can't kidnap him! Be sure not to do it directly, however. It's best to hire a third party, then "rescue" him with your troops and grant him a position in your cabinet, whether he wants it or not. I'm quite sure that the Cobra Organization would be more than willing to do your dirty work. Just remember, with a good advisor, any of you idiots can look Presidential.

Secondly, you need to make sure there are no serious threats to the office. Bugs and cameras will only go so far in revealing sedition; make sure you go for the gusto. Is there somebody who gives great, charismatic speeches? Have him killed secretly. Is he a member of your party, possibly in your administration? Have him killed violently in public. Trust me, the crowds can't resist a Reichstag fire. If you can frame some potentially threatening members of the opposing party, all's the better. Also, when rigging the election, make sure to wait a reasonable amount of time before having it announced that you won. I'm looking at you Iran.

Thirdly, keep all of your corruption a secret. Seriously, it's mind boggling how many dictators forget this step. Whether it means using your connections in the telecom industry or your friend whom owns the newspapers, make sure neither the public, nor the people of the world get a sniff of what's going on behind closed doors. Remember, the secret death squads are secret for a reason. They're SUPER depressing.

Why follow these steps in the first place? Why even bother going to all the trouble of becoming a democracy when you have what you want right now? Because, if the foundation of America has proved any thing, it's that you're allowed to enslave people, steal the indigenous people's land, treat women as second class citizens, refuse voting rights to those "inferior" to you, invade nations under false pretenses, and commit genocide, so long as it's in the name of a free, democratic nation. It doesn't hurt if you say God is on your side too.

Just keep in mind, you only have a couple hundred years to clean up your act before people start getting bitchy about it. Don't worry, you'll have been overthrown in a coup long before then!

To Make Hemingway Proud

I've been thinking on mortality and it has caused me to face some hard personal questions. Am I proud of what I've done? Do I like the direction my life is heading? At the end of my life, when I look back on everything, will the regret outweigh the pride? The answer is an emphatic no. I have had far too few adventures with far too few of my friends. My existence thus far has been extraordinarily pedestrian. The very fact that I've been thinking of mortality is only further proof that I'm not living to my potential.

In all honesty, I will probably leave college and take up a normal job. The odds of fulfilling my dream are slim. I will probably sit at work, cursing my lot, and submit to a life of mediocrity. Hoping for a different result won't do anything; I need to act. The lack of action would be tantamount to death. Life must continue. Life is valuable and enjoyable. Life is everything. Death is nothing. If man wishes to live, he lives most intensely sometimes when he is in the direct presence of death. If a man has not yet been tested, people don’t know whether he will withstand the pressures, whether he will prove himself to be a true man.

I reject abstract qualities—courage, bravery, etc.  These are all just words. For example, courage may involve a single act of courage. This does not mean that a man is by nature courageous. A man who has been courageous in war might not be courageous in some civil affair or in some other human endeavor. What I'm is searching for are absolute values, which will be the same and constant at every moment of every day of every month of every year.. The only value that will serve man is an innate faculty of self-discipline. Once a man has performed some act of bravery, he should not discuss it. Talking is emotionalism; it is the action that is important.  If you talk about the act too much you lose the importance of the act itself.  The same is true of talking about love.

Most of us live a life a quiet desperation as our so called modern and advanced society has neglected to provide true men with means to fully express themselves. Therefore, I challenge all good men to take up adventure, discovery and invention, wherever they can find it. Put a stamp on this world and be your own Master and Commander. There is still an Empire; it lies within.